267IX
XV

"But What have I done with my life?"thoughtsaid Mrs. Ramsaytaking her place at the head of the long table. "Williamsit by me," she said. Lily there..."For some reason shecould notThey had the a For it was all over.They hadanthattheir moment.?She this: infinitely long, narrow,white table; with& a heap ofempty places; plates:At the far end was herhusband. thatwho might say nothing from start to finish.[?] sitting downwith ashake of the head, asigh.She had felt a great deal of emotion: she now feltnone whatever; nothing but thatacurious sense of beingshe wasThey hadborne on, because things were strongerthan oneself:'that'; lost what w 'that' whichfinally landed one in long tables, &piles of plates.A most curious sensation; to be & thatwould change presumably to this.And for a momentshe had a curious sense of beingpast everything, through everything;out of everything; as they handed the soupplates; so that,having the being relieved of her burden, she could say, Wellthen what have I done with my life?But of course,what have I done, she would ask;for as it wascertain that she had& wait (while they came in, one after another, Charles Tansley,Mr. Carmichael, [?]) wait, passively, for somebody or other toor forgive her an answer; for somethingor other to happen.OnlyBut this was not being sad. And if they knew whatBut this is not a thing, she thought, ladling out another platefor someone, to tell that one says;

Lily, she thought to herself would have been an admirable oldmaid.One does not say it to Lily, she thought.And smilingironically at her own the discrepancy -that was what sheladling outwas thinking & this was what she was doing -helpingsoup:she felt begin in her, like a stream or a [?] like the pulse of somemachine which stopped for a moment begins inexplicably towork, the old familiar life again: & soo so on; she thought,
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