227247He had always had that idea of plunging something ?at striking his father,killing something violently.Powerless as he was, to strike, to kill was his onlymeans of defying tyrannybreaking a hole in the suffocatingbarricade his way out to the freedom. Yet That there was somethingirrational in this recourse, violent desire, he terror, in this demand, heknew now. He knew now, even at this moment, when he sat withhis hand on the tiller, looking fiercely at his father, who did nothingsat absorbed in his book,that the thing he would kill waswanted to kill was not that man there,the old distinguished manbut who was - strangely -completely ignorant of any such vice on his part, or any anger on hisson's part. ?H It was a thing that descended on him: an aug ?august devil, ifthat of without his knowing it. A thing that had always descended onhim; that had perched on his shoulders & pecked at them allwhen they were children. His fear was And now that he was growing up,there were times when he could see himself his father like a ?goodlike a man haunted by a devil,ButHe knew now that the man himself,waswho walked about, quite unconscious of it, burdened with this vulture ofwas not a thing that descended on him without his knowledge. He wasThere was n something consoling in the thought.His vices were nothimself,And wh at the same time that he felt this,The vulture might fly off. might leave himThere was And then they were boundBut none the less when he grew uphe meant to go for it; meant to track it down wherever he found it.It was a terrible vice - making people do things when they did notwant to do them - interfering with free speech - for how could they say,I don't want to do this? No one dared say that. Yet if t Thegreat black vulture whom he felt as a little boy pecking at hisbare legs would have clouted them over the wings head with hiswings.No doubt his fright was irrational.He was agentle old man, very simple, very austere.Anyone could speak to him.Look at him reading there.Anybody would say, he has no suchthought in his mind.But, James replied, as he was sweptalong by this hot current,if he says do that, one had to do itnobody who once feel that tyranny& you can never forget it.For he tried to exc make excuses, as he
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