228249steered for the violence of his own feelings - why, whenthis. As he grew older he made a very queer kind of excuse. He said& this he felt more & more, it is not him I hate, but how he forhe was more & more like that sin-haunted man, that man with thevulture on his shoulder; hewaslike him in all save that: inbareness & austerity& in some fanatical quality, in somedef ?giv intolerance, & insight: [he onlyno vulture should beallowed to perch on him.]Further, & this puzzledhimmore & more,there the vulture]Often, he felt, no two people in the world hadThere were onlytwo footprintson a blankspace:his own& hisfathers.set foot precisely there, where he came, & his father came, together.But further, & this ?turned his clearness, puzzled him always a little,&what he hated that man not for what he had done this morning, or lastweek, but for some curious terror which he had suffered at his handsyears & years ago. Suppose that as a child his perambulator hadbeen stood in a field where there was a bull; for ever aftersuppose no but that was not quite it. Suppose as a childhe had seen a waggon crush a childs foot - for ever after one wouldgo in fear of waggons, & crushing:that was more like it.A manwaggonwho crushed peoples feet, yetnever knew it. A that he was doing it, &himself sitting lit helplessin a perambulator watching - that wasa littlesomething nearer theexplan nature of his anger & terror & the senseof helplessness that overcame him, even now, when his father camestriding along the passage, knocking them up, early in the morning, to go tothe Lighthouse.

But whose foot did he crush? Where was thatwaggon going What field? What truth was there in all atthe back of all this? There was that - & here there came beforehimThere was that garden.A that miraculous garden, whereeverything to begin with where before the f fall of the world (&he did really divide time into the space before catastrophe, & thespace after) all the if it was not actual fine weather, at any ratenobody was gloomy like this: where there were ever so manypeople in & out all day long; where there was no dont & do, butsimply commonsense prevailing, & freedom. where - how; he did not know,all the colours were of a kind of deep, glowing kind: blue bowls; jars ofgreat burning red - all in confusion, yet order: windows open, blinds
Resize Images  

Select Pane

Berg Materials

View Pane